Archive | January 13, 2011

Coping With Negative Emotions

Coping With Negative Emotions

The less active we are with our lives, and the more routine it becomes, is the more room we make available for negative emotions to take control of our lives. This is because negative emotions are a result of being unhappy.

Can you recall what was happening in your life at a particular time, and/or when things began to change?

This is not a trivial question, for half the solution is in establishing the root of the problem, for symptoms are but signs. The cause can be external, internal or both. Our vulnerabilities differing from person-to-person, and our vulnerabilities can take place on the mental, emotional, or physical plane, and it can work from the emotional through to the physical.

Look at the following for one day, and tick which emotion you feel at any given time.

Dignity 

Sel-Respect

Self Worth

Ashamed
Beaten down
Cut down
Criticized
Dehumanized
Disrespected
Embarrassed
Humiliated
Inferior
Insulted
Invalidated
Labeled
Lectured to
Mocked
Offended
Put down
Resentful
Ridiculed
Stereotyped
Teased
Underestimated

Freedom 

In Control

Bossed around
Controlled
Imprisoned
Inhibited
Forced
Manipulated
Obligated
Over-controlled
Over-ruled
Powerless
Pressured
Restricted
Suffocated
Trapped

Love 

Connected

Important

Abandoned

Alone

Brushed off

Confused

Disapproved of
Discouraged
Ignored
Insignificant
Invisible
Left out
Lonely
Misunderstood
Neglected
Rejected
Uncared about
Unheard
Unknown
Unimportant
Uninformed
Unloved
Unsupported
Unwanted

Justice 

Truth

Accused

Cheated
Falsely accused
Guilt-tripped
Interrogated
Judged
Lied about
Lied to
Misled
Punished
Robbed

Safety 

Abused

Afraid

Attacked
Defensive
Frightened
Insecure
Intimidated
Over-protected
Scared
Terrified
Threatened
Under-protected
Unsafe
Violated

Trust 

Cynical

Guarded
Skeptical
Suspicious
Not trusted
Untrusting

The emotions written in orange are positive emotions, the emotions which connects us to the rest of the world, acts as our survival mechanism, and allows us to:

  • Make decisions
  • Set boundaries
  • Communicate
  • Be happy
  • To submit to a state of tawhid, Unity with Allah (SWT), and His creations.

The emotions in blue are negative emotions, which causes us to disconnect from the outside world. Does that sound familiar?

Each negative emotion comes under a positive emotion. When that positive emotion is not facilitated in any way in your life, the one or more of the negative emotions under it will become a factor in one’s life.

Being aware of one’s negative emotions is a step towards counter-balancing them. Seemingly simply, A Negativity Line can help one do this. Each and everday, draw yourself a Negativity Line;

——————————————————- 0 ——————————————————+

On this line, you make note of the times you feel negative, and when. This will help you to see how you see yourself, others and your surroundings. One person who I asked to do this, was surprised to discover how badly she thought of herself. This line will help you to develop an ’emotional map’ of yourself, and to appreciate what you have to work with, the aim being to move towards the negative end of the line.

Things you can do to help you move towards the positive end of the line is:

  • ·See life in optimistic attitude and don’t take yourself or life so seriously.
  • ·Realize that failure is not the end of the world.
  • ·Welcome new challenges and experiences.
  • ·Believe in yourself.
  • ·Be generous.
  • ·Be honest to yourself and others.
  • ·Work on your important goals.
  • ·Put your focus on the positive side.
  • ·Care about the happiness of others
  • ·Always think of good health and prosperity.
  • ·Think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best.
  • ·Forget your past mistakes and focus on your successes encouraging yourself to greater achievements in the future.
  • ·Do not watch, listen or read negative or bitter things, it may develop negative thinking.
  • ·When you help someone, expect nothing in return

Sometimes, we can get so caught up with the life that we are used to, just going with the flow, and interacting according to the designated social role, without reflecting. Situation arise, and somewhere at the back of mind as we have tucked away an experience “out of harms way”, so that it does not bother our designated social roles. We might feel a little wrankled, but we pass it off, to the extent, that although consciously we felt OK about whatever happened, or that we have overcome the problem, but subconsiously a little voice is waiting to be heard. That silenced voice is trying to tell us something, but because we are out of touch with listening to ourselves, we do not hear what that little voice is trying to say.

That little voice can be trying to say “I hurt” because of something that happened, or “I’m bored with this mindset/these people/this conversation/my job/my life etc”, or “Be careful”, but because you have forgotten how to listen to your inner self, you interpret those whispers of your inner voice as something else.

{Allah has not made for any man two hearts within him…} (Az Azhab (33: 4)

Related Topics:

The Land of Truth
Is Your Spine Older Than You Are?
De-Stress Kit for Changing Times
Discovering Your Emotional Intelligence
What Frequency Am I Traveling on Right Now