Archive | February 12, 2011

Feeling Emotionally Drained?

Feeling Emotionally Drained?

By Hwaa Irfan

For some the year has only just begun if we follow the Gregorian Calendar. One might not dare count the fact that it is only the second month, because what one is feeling has been going on for much longer. Even on waking, there is that burdensome feeling of not having slept, as that continual feeling of tiredness just does not seem to shift whatever one does. The day is either too long or not long enough in order to juggle all the different tasks one feels obliged to fulfill. Feeling fragile one is easily irritated even with loved ones and the thin line between being aware as to whether you are the problem or if somebody else is has all but disappeared. Then there is always that one person who finds ways of commanding one’s space and time – whatever means they have at their disposal one is always left feeling completely emotionally drained.

One ends up feeling emotionally drained because one is not aware of one’s limits, i.e. how far one can go. One finds one’s self giving out too much – too much of one’s self to others, and to situations without taking the time to replenish one’s soul. Instead one patiently feels extended, frustrated, oversensitive or even anxious because there is always something or someone in need. This is in fact a form of lack of faith: lack of faith that the Universe can and does provide — the Universe that God created, and a lack of faith in the ability of one’s own body to take what it needs by overriding it!

When Was the Last Time?

When was the last time that one had the energy to feel good about anything? If what you are doing is not working, then stop doing it? Sound simple, but the application is difficult especially if one does not have faith that the Universe will provide. After all, everything that one is doing now is important – it just has to be done, doesn’t it, so who would do them if one was to end up having a long term illness, or continually ill?

#1 If being emotionally drained is due to recent events, one can return to one’s state of balance through fasting, and prayer, gardening, doing something creative, and/or an outdoor activity that helps to release all the tension.

#2 If being emotionally drained is due to an endless stream of demands that have led to self neglect, getting away if one can, can help to put the whole thing into perspective. Without fail, many people who has been on the go, once they take a break, within a short space of time after returning to work, they will leave their job. This is the case in the U.K., where there is a different perspective on life in comparison to some countries. Taking a break helps one to return to one’s balanced state, and then one remembers how good it is to feel right.

#3 However, if one is feeling seriously exhausted, one would be experiencing a level of fragility, sensitivity/ emotionally unresponsive, muscular aches and pains, guilt/anger about something, tearful, socially distant, sleeping and/digestive/back problems, and maybe even sensitive to noise. When one is feeling like this, a quick solution is Heartmath’s Quick Coherent Technique, which works with the soul and the heart to bring about a state of equilibrium in order to think clearly. Heartmath describes the Quick Coherent Technique as using the:

“… power of your heart to balance thoughts and emotions, helping you to achieve a neutral, poised state for clear thinking. It is a powerful technique that connects you with your energetic heart zone to help you release stress, balance your emotions and feel better fast.”

This is based on scientific research which has established that the rhythm of the body is strongly influenced by the rhythm of the heart, so established in Africa drum rhythms, which are used in some communities for healing purposes.  This rhythm influences other rhythms in one’s body like the peristaltic motion of one’s intestines, swallowing, breathing, movement, and brain activity for example. Like the instruments of an orchestra/band, they sound much better when they work together, as together they become coherent.  When one feels coherent, then one is more able to act more coherently and therefore more positively energized.

The Quick Coherent Technique (Heartmath)

In a state of quietude:

Step One: Focus one’s attention on the area around one’s heart at the center of one’s chest. If focusing for the first time is difficult, place one’s hand over that area to get a better sensation over that area.

Step Two: Breathe deeply, but normally. Feel as if one’s breath is moving in and out of that area as if the wind is moving through one’s body on a windy day. One can extend the rate of breathing on counts (1,2,3 etc) until one feels comfortable. It is amazing how little we breathe or breathe inadequately by breathing shallow or by breathing through the mouth instead of the nose, so extend the breathing from 1-3, and then to 4, and so on until it becomes natural, which indicates one’s own natural rhythm.

Step Three: Maintain focus on the heart, and breathing into the heart, as this activates a positive feeling. This positive feeling can be aided by recalling a time when one felt good inside.

As one gets into the habit of doing this quick technique, it becomes easier, and only takes a minute, so it can be done anywhere, and almost at anytime, particularly if one has experienced an emotional outburst. Generally, it can be used if one is feeling overwhelmed, and the beauty of it is, is that there are no props or extra costs – the technique only requires you!

If one is having problems with feeling emotionally drained when with a certain person, then one needs to learn how to kindly set boundaries, because the more one removes barriers from one’s own sphere, the more likely that one will be taken advantage of whether intentionally or unintentionally.

  1. Know your limits – your boundaries, because if you do not set those boundaries, one is open to being violated. You know if your boundaries are being violated if one feels guilt or fear, which can be used against you.
  2. The phrase “gut feeling” has some currency for it is your instinct trying to tell your conscious mind to be on the alert. If your gut reaction is to stay away, then stay away, but make sure that that feeling is coming from your instinct and not born out of guilt for example.
  3. Make a point of enjoying life without harming yourself or others. When we get bogged down in routine, we are draining away our life force, hence our creativity, and being positive.
  4. People who are emotionally draining play on one’s passivity, and in Islam the solution is always in the opposite, so be active with one’s life.

Sometimes we need someone to talk to, which is a fading but important aspect of our lives. Sometimes all we need to do is talk it out because the thoughts and feelings become entrapped and recycled in one’s mind. If one cannot find someone suitable to talk to, there is always that One Force that is there for us no matter where we are and what our status is, God – talk to God! One can surprise one’s self for in the process of talking it out comes realization, and the solution itself, then all one has to do to follow up is to trust one’s self, as one trusts the Creator.


“Tools for Well-Being: Quick Coherence.”

Related Topics:

Heavenly Signs: The Soul of Our Sun

A Tool to Refocus Your Emotions

Drugs That Make You Violent

The Seasons of Our Lives

Discovering Lost Values

Where Did Compassion Go?

Coping With Negative Emotions

The Land of Truth

The New Year Blues: Saudade

Is Your Spine Older Than You Are?