Tag Archive | families

Parenting in Dark Times*

Parenting in Dark Times*

For many of us, it is insanely difficult to wrap our hearts and minds around the prospects which lie ahead for humanity. The list of potential calamities is long and varied, and the scenarios that rise to the top of the ‘most probable today’ column shift all the time. Are we looking at full-blown nuclear war, or will it ‘just’ be Fukushima cesium making its way into our food and water? Could it be rising acidified oceans, unpredictable weather fueled by hotter seas, or maybe a methane ‘burp’ that leads to an abrupt end to agriculture? And then, even if we somehow evade all of these and manage to survive, what about the social and political chaos that is being fomented by right-wing ‘populists’ around the globe? What will happen when climate refugees are either: a. us, or, b. camping in large numbers in our backyards? Where will water come from? Food? Security of any sort seems less than certain looking into the decade ahead.

It is entirely possible that things will unfold in a manner none of us can foresee and if that happens, then we will have to be nimble and respond accordingly. No guarantees, no promises. We are in uncharted waters and not only is there no easy answer for the collective, but we must all find our own way, both in this limbo time, when for many of us, things continue pretty much as before, and in the years ahead, as the status quo collapses.

This time becomes exponentially more difficult for those who have children and grandchildren, those who love individual kids and hold them close in their lives. It is one thing to contemplate the breakdown of natural and social structures known throughout our lives, to allow oneself to consider—and to grieve—the destruction of so much of the planet and those, human and not, who have made it their home. It is another thing altogether to feel into the suffering, the loss and the violation of hopes and dreams that likely await many children, those who have yet to really begin to live their lives.

I speak here of the children of privilege. Clearly, there are already too many children on this planet-of-plenty whose hopes and dreams are limited to the modest wish for a bowl of millet, the continued well-being of a single parent, the departure of the ominous droning overhead. But in various parts of the developed world, there are children whose lives appear untainted by the shadows that are beginning to loom over all of us, acknowledged or not. Many parents (as well as aunts, uncles, grandparents—including the honorary sort), are loathe to look at our global circumstances head-on simply because they cannot bear to confront what the current reality bodes for the little ones, the innocents, whom they love and cherish.

Writing about our prospects of survival as a species has invited correspondence with many deeply thoughtful and loving people; one of the most impossible and important questions I have been posed is “How do I raise my kids knowing what I know about the future of our planet?” Obviously, teaching your child to recycle and pick up litter isn’t enough anymore. Some parents wonder if there is anything concrete to do—shall we buy rural land, rain-collection barrels and a goat? There are those who have the luxury to consider such a course; others are where they are and will stay there to weather the storms or perish in them. But as awareness of our plight reaches consciousness, all adults who love ‘their’ children struggle to understand how to hold the information they have, what to share and how to share it in a way that both protects and prepares the children for an unknowable future. How much is too much to tell your joyful six-year old? What do you say to the twelve-year old, exuberant with enthusiasm for life, planning for college and career and family? How do you prod the eighteen-year old, who reads the news and ponders apocalypse, to finish his college application or résumé? Do you even try?

There are no pat answers. We have never been here, precisely, before. Yes, we can look back in history for ideas and we can consult students of the mind and spirit for guidance. But ultimately, I believe that the best way to discern a path through this time, to hold your child’s hand lovingly in your own while the ride gets wilder and wilder, is to bring the conversation out of the dark and put it on the table where we may all contribute. There is deep and totally understandable fear abounding, and fear often begets denial. Our denial, however, does our kids a great disservice. No matter how painful it is for us to look at the facts, we owe our children at least that much courage. Remember, young kids ‘read’ feelings. Our words, no matter how reassuring, mean nothing if what we broadcast from our hearts is out of alignment. Talking with one another, as adults, about the challenge of how to raise our kids on the brink of planetary collapse is urgent and imperative. Sharing ideas, feelings, experiences and strategies invites creativity and innovation, both of which we sorely need if we are to do our very best by our children.

In order to invite discussion, I will offer a few thoughts that are currently guiding my parenting. I hope they can be seen and used as a jumping off point, a catalyst to consider your own values and how you might best weave them into what is quite possibly the most potent and important relationship you are likely to have with another human being.

Before I dive into particulars, I want to note a couple of overarching principles. They may seem obvious and simplistic, but they are also foundational, so please bear with me. First of all, everything is dependent on the child in question—who they are temperamentally, how old and how mature, what their strengths are and where they find support, what and whom they love and treasure. You know your child better than anyone else and if there was ever a time when our kids needed to be deeply seen for and as themselves, it is now.

Secondly, the surrounding circumstances are paramount to how you approach your child. If you live in California as I do, you teach your children to take short showers, and to learn to love parched golden-brown lawns. You may use public transportation or limit unnecessary driving. But for the average fourth-grader in this part of the world whose parents have legal status, the sky isn’t falling. Yet. If you lived with your family in Fukushima Prefecture, or you and your kids were recently displaced by flooding and mudslides in Colombia, you are likely facing something more complex in terms of the narrative you share. The point is that we will all be facing more difficult times, and as the adults, we must gauge our parenting to the current circumstances as well as to the individual child.

Finally, a great deal depends on how you view this time. Is it catastrophe or opportunity? Can you find ways to authentically and honestly embrace the challenges and the gifts of the changes that are fast approaching? You set the tone for your children. With that in mind, here are a few of the tenets that I lean on to help me find my way:

  1. Know yourself and your own feelings. Seek out your own responses to the global crises. Whatever we deny or repress in ourselves will tend to create a stiltedness, which can in turn inspire worry in our kids. There is no right way to feel—ever–but knowing your own feelings means you are better prepared to both talk and listen authentically to your children.


  1. Never lie. It is about respect. (They will likely see through you, anyway.) Our children are sovereign souls who are here for reasons we cannot fully know. They may be small, or young, or naïve, and sometimes dreadfully uncooperative, but as fellow humans, they always deserve our respect. Which means: do not lie to them. Truth is nuanced, and this is at the nub of what we are exploring here: how to be honest in the most loving and responsible way possible.


  1. Never impose your personal truths. We are likely to have strong opinions at times, and we may be very certain about what will or will not transpire in the future. It can be tempting to pass these truths on to our kids, to stand firmly in the sea of chaos, but it is important, in my view, to make sure that everything we do share is based upon the child’s interests rather than our own. Consider silence, consider waiting for questions. We are people first, parents next, and sometimes it is very difficult to see the line that separates our own needs from our kids’. It is worth some extra vigilance in this arena.


  1. Tell your children the ‘right truth’ to the best of your ability. While you may know how things look to you and which pieces of the puzzle are clear and thus, potentially reassuring for you, these may not be the ‘right truths’ for your child. (I shudder at the echo of ‘alternative facts’ here, but there is a profound difference in the relationship. As parents we are in charge of vetting information and presenting it in the way it is most likely to help our kids prosper and thrive. Even now. Especially now.) Know your kids’ developmental capacities. Listen to your child’s questions and comments to hear the subtext. Ask questions before you tell them the ‘truth.’ Try to discern what it is that they are really asking for, under the words they are using. What truth can you share that meets them where they are? Different kids, different ages, different circumstances are all going to play into the ‘right truth’ and it will change, continue to evolve as the child does, and as life does.


  1. Allow plenty of space and support for any and all reactions, including none. Let your child know that it is good for her to feel anything and everything that she does. And follow her lead. Be there if that is what she wants—a lap, a hug, a talk, a cry together, a round of teacups smashed in the back garden—but beware of prioritizing any need you might have to make it all ok. Some kids are going to want to dance or watch a movie or play basketball. And not talk. Honor their wisdom in dealing with impossibility.


  1. Offer something to replace that which is lost. We are not especially good at giving things up wholesale. Most smokers need gum or hard candy to replace relinquished cigarettes. When things get really bad, wherever on this planet we are living, our kids are going to lose a lot. We must do what we can to offer them something to staunch the pain of that loss. Not false assurances, not mental methadone, but something simultaneously honest and supportive. Something that helps them to stay upright, to know how deeply they are cherished. Preliminary ideas include: making lots of time and space for joyful activities together (in spite of everything); being in nature; celebrating your child aloud and often for who he is and his amazing contributions to this life with specificity; service, possibly as a family, to others whose needs are greater.


  1. Listen and learn. Our children carry wisdom we often overlook and discount. It is their lives which hang in the balance; in these times it is especially critical to understand their vision, to learn what we can from them, and to honor their right to carve a path of their own design. They may, after all, save the world.

These thoughts just barely skim the surface, and don’t begin to address the incredible emotional intensity involved for parents and children alike. They are offered simply as a catalyst to broader and richer conversations. I urge anyone who feels moved: follow the thread, connect with others, contemplate your values, and consider carefully what you are going to give your kids as the world alters.

Most of us want dearly for the children we love to have a broad range of choices and a full and vibrant life. But we are embarking on a collective journey of learning about limitation. When I set myself the exercise of clearing away all the ‘stuff’ of contemporary life, the wish I am left with, what most of us want for our kids—at minimum– is to hold them close and keep them safe. Much as we long for it, this has always has been beyond a parent’s reach at some point or another. We do what we can, and we do the best we can. Ultimately, heartbreakingly, we cannot protect them from life. But we can love them, and we can bring an ardent consciousness to our love, as well as a profound gratitude, moment to moment, for the mysterious and beautiful path we walk together as humans connected one to another, old and young, on this incredible planet, for so long as it is given to us to do so.


Related Topics:

Tribal Parenting – How to Heal Our Children*

Cultural Decline Follows (((Communist))) Blueprint*

Parental Rights under Attack (Again) … with California’s SB18*

Toddler Permanently Brain Damaged by a Mystery Combination Vaccination That Her Parent’s Did Not Consent To*

U.S. Just Admitted “ISIS HQ” They Blew Up Was Actually an Innocent Family’s Home*

Flint Threatens to Kick 8,000 Families Out of Their Homes if They Don’t Pay for Poison Water*

A School Field Trip turns was a Trip to Get Birth Control Implants without Parental Consent*

Parents Told Five Times to Abort Boy with ‘no brain’ – Now He’s a Thriving 4-year-old*

Public School System Exposed for Reporting Parents to CPS for Homeschooling*

New York Redefines Biological Parental Rights*

Today’s Parents Are Scared Of Everything*

Parents Trying to Save Kids from Daesh in Syria Lose Them in Gaziantep Attack*

School Stops Enforcing Obama’s trans Bathroom Policy after Parents Pulled Kids Out*

Thousands of U.K. Parents to take Children out of School in Protest*

Parents Now Being Thrown in Jail in America for Homeschooling Their Children*

Obama and GOP Unleash “Community Schools” to Replace Parents*

Parents Continue to Resist Ontario Child Sex Grooming*

Parents Call Nevada School Vouchers Illegal*

Forced Adoption: U.K. Parents Cleared Of Abuse ‘Unlikely to See Their Child Again’ Three Years Later*

Parents Sue School over Son’s ‘Wi-Fi Allergy’*

Modern Parenting is Preventing Brain Development*

When Families Can’t Pay, Debtors’ Prison for their Kids*

Child Survivors of Nepal Earthquake Sold to Rich British Families*

The Kind of Society we Want*

Honduras Resists U.N. Pressure to Legalize Abortion*

Honduras Resists U.N. Pressure to Legalize Abortion*

Pro-Life protest in Tegucigalpa, Honduras.


Last week, Honduran lawmakers resisted significant pressure from the United Nations, the European Union, and pro-abortion nongovernmental organizations to legalize abortion.

A proposal seeking to legalize abortion in cases of rape, fetal disability, and risks to life of the mother was initiated by foreign independent advisors from Spain contracted by the Honduran government to help lawmakers revise the nation’s Penal Code. The proposal came as the Honduran National Congress undertakes the first major comprehensive revision of the Penal Code since 1983.

In response, thousands of pro-life Hondurans took to the streets of Tegucigalpa, the nation’s capital, to protest the proposed change to the country’s abortion law.

“Honduras faced brutal pressure from the international community to depenalize abortion,” says Martha Lorena Alvarado of Provida Honduras.

“Pro-lifers, the young people, religious people both Catholic and Evangelical responded immediately, the outpouring of support was tremendous,” Alvarado says,

“we reacted as a pro-life country and as a result our nation’s laws continue to defend the life of the unborn child from the moment of conception.”

Honduras is an overwhelmingly pro-life country. According to a recent Pew Research Center poll, 71% of Hondurans believe that abortion should be illegal in all circumstances. Currently, Honduran law protects all unborn life at any moment during pregnancy without exceptions.

“Let’s save the family” – Pro-Lifers in Tegucigalpa, Honduras protest a proposal in the National Congress to legalize abortion.


Lawmakers in the National Congress decisively rejected the abortion proposal. In the legislative assembly, 77 lawmakers voted in favor of article 169 of the new Penal Code which retains the nation’s abortion law without loosening any of the restrictions currently in place. Five lawmakers voted against the measure while eight members abstained. Lawmakers further rebuffed efforts to legalize the morning-after pill.

“It was a complete defeat for them,” according to Alvarado.

Pro-abortion activists, however, had perceived the occasion as an opportunity to push for the legalization of abortion. In an attempt to win over public opinion, pro-abortion allies rushed to finance numerous television and radio advertisements that aired across the country in the days leading up to last week’s vote.

Pro-abortion NGOs including U.K.-based Amnesty International, and the U.S.-based Center for Reproductive Rights also weighed in in the hopes of swaying lawmakers.

“By criminalizing abortion, the Honduran Penal Code is incompatible with human rights standards and must be modified without delay,” Erika Guevara-Rosas, the Americas Director for Amnesty International said on the organization’s website.

A number of parliamentarians from Spain, Sweden, Finland, Slovenia, and Belgium in the EU’s European Parliament also sent a letter to leaders in the Honduran National Congress last week, strongly urging lawmakers to legalize abortion to accord with purported international human rights standards.

A group of United Nations human rights experts also condemned Honduras for its laws in defense of life, threatening the Central American nation with failing to heed recent recommendations handed down by U.N. treaty bodies:

“We sincerely hope that the Honduran Congress will seize this key opportunity to comply with its obligations to eliminating discrimination against women in its legislation…we regret that the criminalisation of abortion is maintained in the bill as a serious offence despite recommendations from the U.N.’s Universal Periodic Review and the Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women as well as the Committee against Torture.”

Honduras, as state party to the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women, and to the Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment and its optional protocol, is bound by the provisions of these UN treaties. However, neither of these treaties mention abortion, let alone any purported human right standard to legalize abortion.

The Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) and the Committee against Torture (CAT) are charged with monitoring the implementation of these treaties respectively.

CEDAW concluding observations from periodic review last fall had condemned Honduras for its pro-life laws, urging Honduras to come into compliance with

“circumstances under which abortion must be decriminalized, namely, at least in cases of rape or incest, threats to the life and/or health of the woman, and severe foetal impairment.”

CEDAW based its recommendation on a statement on reproductive health at the committee’s 57th Session. Recommendations issued by treaty bodies, like CEDAW, however, are non-binding on state parties.

Despite claims that failing to legalize abortion is contrary to international human rights standards, no U.N. treaty compels any country to legalize abortion. On the contrary, the Program of Action of the U.N. International Conference on Population and Development in Cairo in 1994, a landmark non-binding international agreement on population and development assistance, asserts that the decision of whether or not to legalize abortion should lie solely in the legislative processes in sovereign states.

Furthermore, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights expresses the international consensus that all people have the right to life, liberty, and security of person.

“It is reprehensible that U.N. human rights experts have turned human rights on its head, using the stature of their office to attack, rather than to defend, the universal right to life for the most defenseless among us,” says Population Research Institute President Steven Mosher,

“we need to continue to work to cut public funding from all entities, groups and individuals who engage in this kind of cultural imperialism.”


Related Topics:

Abortions Banned in Russian City for 1 Day in memory of Biblical ‘massacre of innocents’*

Canada’s Bishops blast Trudeau: $650M Global Abortion Fund as ‘cultural imperialism,’ ‘exploits women’*

African Woman Schools U.N. Delegate on Why Pushing Abortion is ‘neo-colonialism’*

VIDEO: Bioethics, Eugenics and the “after-birth abortion” of newborns

European Parliament Abortion Campaign Seeks to Indoctrinate Children*

Abortion Survivor to Congress – ‘I was Born Alive after Being Burned in My Mother’s Womb’*

New U.S. Law Lets Families Sue Doctors to Prevent Dismemberment Abortions*

Trump to end Obama Funding of Foreign Abortions by Sunday, Claims Report*

‘This baby won’t stop breathing!’: Abortionist Strangled Baby Born Alive While Nurses Stood and Watched*

Poland Debates Banning Abortion After Live Baby Cries Itself to Death*

U.N. Rules That Abortion is a Human Right*


Triplets Regress into Autism Following Flu Vaccine*

Triplets Regress into Autism Following Flu Vaccine*

Brenda and David McDowell visit the VaxXed bus while in Detroit Michigan to the story of all three of their triplets vaccine injury stories following the pneumococcal vaccine. Interview by Polly Tommey with camera and editing by Joshua Coleman.

“We are living proof that they are all lying!”

“We were told it was genetic.”


The McDowell’s visited their paediatrician with their two boys and one girl (triplets) for their Pneumococcal vaccine shot. By the end of the day, the children were never the same again. What was supposedly a statistical impossibility soon became reality following a vaccine. Their laughter and reflexes and smiles were simultaneously gone by day’s end.

They were never told about the Vaccine Injury Court and seeing its been beyond 5-years, they don’t qualify for those benefits.

Watch the full interview here.


Related Topics:

Polio Vaccine Refusal Cases among Well-educated People Baffle Officials in Pakistan*

Norwegian Study Links Flu Vaccine to Narcolepsy Risk*

Varicella Occurring From Chickenpox Vaccination*

H.R. 1313 Bill Would Require Medical Procedures Like Vaccines as Requirement for Employment*

DTP Vaccine Associated With 212% Increased Infant Mortality Risk*

Lab Report Analysis Found Round Up in MMR Vaccine*

Australian Prime Minister and Wife Tied to Pharma, Pushing Mandatory Vaccination*

Missouri to Ban Mercury and Foreign DNA in Vaccines*

Vaccine Injury Claims Expected to Increase in 2016*

A School Field Trip turns was a Trip to Get Birth Control Implants without Parental Consent*

A School Field Trip turns was a Trip to Get Birth Control Implants without Parental Consent*

A Tulsa, Oklahoma teen went on a field trip, however, when she returned, her mother claims she was implanted with a birth control device. Her mother is now seeking answers after what she is calling a clear violation of her parental rights. Title X federal guidelines allow for children as young as 12 to receive birth control without parental consent.

Miracle Foster’s 16-year old daughter attended a Youth Services of Tulsa lecture that involved teaching sex education to teens. It was held at Langston Hughes academy. Foster’s daughter, along with several other teens, had agreed that they wanted to attend the seminars.

According to Fox29, Rodney L. Clark, the school’s principal, called Foster for permission to take her daughter on the field trip.

Foster’s daughter received a three-year Norplant implant at the clinic, allegedly without permission.

Representatives from Youth Services of Tulsa say they do not have to tell a parent about any contraceptives given to minors. They also said they merely inform and transport teens to the clinics of their choice. They are not involved in the conversations between the teens and the physicians at these clinics.

Title X federal guidelines allow for teens as young as 12 to receive various forms of contraceptives without a parent’s consent.

Clark released a statement Wednesday:

“This was not a field trip. Youth Services of Tulsa does an annual in-service on Sex Education. They offer students an opportunity to contact them on their own for more information. The parent gave her child permission to leave the school. Under Title X once young people are at the clinic and are of reproductive age, they can make decisions on their own without parental consent. As you can understand this situation involves a minor and we do not release information about students. Nevertheless, the student was well within their rights of Title X which is a federal guideline that provides reduced cost family planning services to persons of all reproductive age.”


Related Topics:

New Contraceptives Increase Risk of blood Clots by 50 – 80%*

Yaz and Yasmin, the Birth Control Pills that can Kill*

Birth Controling a Nation

Ma’afa: The Truth Behind Birth Control…

Bill Gates’ Population Control Microchip*

Helping People Experience the Sharp Edge of the Autistic Experience*

Helping People Experience the Sharp Edge of the Autistic Experience*


By John Shafthauer

The 27 March to 2 April has been Autism Awareness Week, with the 2 April also being Autism Awareness Day. As part of this, The National Autistic Society (NAS) released a video that recreates one of the sharpest edges of the autistic experience – sensory overload.

The NAS said about the video:

Almost everyone in the U.K. (99.5%) has heard of autism but, despite this, only 16% of autistic people and families think the public understands them. One year ago, we launched Too Much Information – our campaign to improve public understanding of autism.

The campaign has been amazingly successful so far – because so many people publicly backed it. But we have a long way to go until everyone understands. This World Autism Awareness Week, we need you to help even more people to get a real understanding of autism and how it affects autistic people.

Sometimes autistic people get too much information. That can mean they need more time to process information. And can mean people think they’re ‘weird’ or rude – or simply ignoring them.

Facing a world which doesn’t understand, our unnerving new film… takes you through how an autistic child experiences an overload of questions. It helps the viewer to understand what autism can feel like. And that’s pretty important to getting the public to better understand autism.


Sensory overload can be debilitating in many circumstances. I have experienced it myself as I am autistic. But my autistic son feels it a lot more intensely than I ever did.

Because of his difficulties processing information, doctors uniformly advised us that he would need one-to-one support in school. But the assessors disagreed when they assessed what level of special educational needs (SEN) he had. And our doctors told us their advice was likely ignored because of the funding cuts implemented by the coalition and Conservative governments.

This left us in a position in which we could either keep fighting for support that may never come, or pull our son out and homeschool him. There’s also been some argument about whether teaching assistants for SEN pupils are actually helpful. The reality of our situation is that in school my son was being taught with pupils a year younger than him and just about keeping up. We opted for homeschooling and he now has a grasp of scientific ideas that I don’t even understand. And he’s only eight years old.

It’s easy for the government to sweep aside people like my son because we appear to be a society that is only tolerant of disabilities when they are outwardly apparent. And this is why videos that help people to understand the complicated experiences some of us face are so important.


Related Topics:

The Superiority of Having Autism

Autistic Artist Flies

A Musical Genius who can barely Count to 10*

The hoax at the bottom of Autism and Alzheimer’s

African-American Autism and Vaccines*

Child’s Autistic Symptoms Miraculously Disappear after His Doctor Does This*

CDC Commits New Vaccine-Autism Crime*

Nine Year-Old Autistic Boy Speaks His First Words Thanks to ‘Controversial’ Cannabis Treatment*

What Do the Police want us to think when they shoot an Unarmed Black Therapist helping his Autistic Patient*


Five Signs When a Man is Connected to his Heart*

Five Signs When a Man is Connected to his Heart*

Gamo People and Sacred Forests of Ethiopia

By Bryan Reeves

What Does it Take to Be a Real Man?

Many men think our power is in our brains or our balls.

Our rational brains are supposed to do all the figuring out, while our testosterone-filled balls supply the driving force.

Intelligence. Determination. Courage. Sheer force of will. These are the masculine convictions of our brains and our balls. And they’re absolutely valid and essential in their own way. But when used in isolation from our true power source for too long, they leave us dead inside, unable to deeply connect with life – including our intimate partners.

When I was a U.S. military officer, I was trained to use those masculine brains’n’balls convictions to accomplish whatever the mission; whatever the cost. After 10 years of operating purely on brains and balls alone, I was completely dead inside. I couldn’t really laugh. I couldn’t at all cry. I had an amazing girlfriend I couldn’t really love. I couldn’t feel much of anything.

I didn’t realize then that the military takes to the extreme what modern culture idolizes: the prioritization of rationality over emotion; the worship of intellectual understanding over embodied knowing. The military intentionally disconnects the brains and balls from embodied knowing because that’s our direct connection to the actual, tangible, visceral life we’re immersed in every moment, regardless of what our brains have to say about it.

The military knows that you can’t take life when you feel connected to life.

The military knows that you can’t take life when you feel connected to life

The military knows that you can’t take life when you feel connected to life


Men, particularly, routinely deny this powerful, embodied connection to life that we cannot experience through our thinking brains alone. Yet this power centre is what enables us to deeply feel our own lives, to feel the world, and to then create truly extraordinary relationships with other people and lives in which we thrive every day.

Truly, when we live from this innate power source which connects us to life itself, we can make entire worlds thrive. This power source isn’t in our brains or our balls. It’s in the heart.

We men tend to think of ‘heart’ as merely something to help us win the game or appeal to a woman’s romantic side. That’s like thinking the sun is only good for heating bath water.

A man genuinely connected to his heart, who lives each day with his brain and balls in proper service to his heart’s deeper wisdom, is a man that breathes life into the world. He can inspire and lift up the world, even if it’s only one person’s world.

How does a man connected to his heart show up every day, not just when his team is down 5 points, with only a minute remaining? What does such a man look like?

1) He’s Deeply Patient

With himself. With others. With life.

When we’re connected to our hearts, we’re able to be patient with, and authentically love, life, ourselves and other people, even when they don’t do what we want them to do – which is almost always.

Woman Wearing "Tudung," or Headscarf

When we are connected with our hearts and life, we can easily cultivate patience


In the military, I was so disconnected from my heart that I hated life. I was imprisoned in my brain. Sex was my only escape. The day I left base for the last time, I headed for the open road with only a backpack and pent-up rage. Little did I know, I was also heading into the darkest night my soul has ever experienced.

That dark night waxed and waned for 12 years and involved angry women and drugs and heartbreak and financial ruin. I was always impatient for the rest of the world to change so I could finally feel good, and I acted out in countless ways to make it change. By its end, my ego had been gutted so profoundly, as I finally had to accept just how little I am in control of anything, or anyone, and just how messy life is; no matter what I do to keep it clean. With every smash against the rocks I took, every despairing night and furious girlfriend, the heavy armour surrounding my heart cracked and weakened, until I gradually discovered an abiding peace and laughter I had never felt in my body before.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ~ Rumi

When I finally emerged from that dark night, I found myself in a new reality that showed me we are all innocent in our ignorance. We are each doing the best we can, all the time, even when it doesn’t look that way. If we truly knew how to do things better, we would.

That one insight gave me access to an embodied patience with people, myself, with life, that I had never known; that no one ever taught me.

That insight was borne of a freshly opened heart.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ~ Rumi

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ~ Rumi

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ~ Rumi

Granted, my patience remains a work in progress, for my brain and my balls still constantly seek to assert their authority.

But my heart is no longer a slave to my brain or my balls. I can move powerfully towards my true heart’s desire – whether that be a woman or a trip to the tropics – with patience enough to allow life its surprise curve balls. Curve balls are half the fun, anyway.

That’s another way you can recognize a man of heart; he makes most things fun…

2) He Laughs Easily and Authentically

I didn’t really know laughter until I was well into my 30s. Oh, I laughed plenty before then. But I took myself, and life, so seriously that my laughter was shallow and intellectual. But I didn’t know that until the wisdom in my heart started showing me the wild beauty in all things.

Rainer Maria Rilke wrote:

“If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for the Creator, there is no poverty.

My intellect has always been predisposed to lie to me, by telling me things are worse than they really are. My brain usually says I’ve got to work harder, be better, and do more just to survive; never mind thrive. It says the same about you. And my balls, well, they’re never satisfied for long.

It’s hard to fully let go and surrender to laughter when I believe I’m not yet good enough…or that you aren’t…or that life isn’t.

My heart, on the other hand, is perfectly content to enjoy this moment. It can find the innocence in most any situation, and it can laugh effortlessly at the crazy divine comedy that is life. The heart doesn’t laugh in shallow arrogance through a facade of “I’m better and smarter than you”.

True laughter comes from the heart

True laughter comes from the heart


A man connected to his heart knows we’re all made of the same stuff underneath the surface gloss. The laughter that erupts from that place is profound; divine. It’s like the sound of love tickling itself.

3) He’s Kind to the World

A man connected to his heart is kind to everyone. That doesn’t mean he likes everyone. It doesn’t mean he tolerates everyone. He might even put someone in jail if they prove to threaten the world he envisions. But he can always see the innocence that leads to ignorant, even awful, behavior.

A man connected to his heart can hold compassion for the worst, even as he locks the cell door.

I saw this in my relationships with women who acted in destructive ways, because they did not know how to effectively communicate their pain to me. Stuck in my head, I judged and fought them for their immature behavior, while ignoring the pain at their core.

With an open heart, I’m more able to stay kind with an intimate partner who’s acting out her pain.

And yes, like most things, it’s work in progress.

4) He’s Fully Present

I hear this all the time from women, that their men don’t seem to be present with them.

What does that even mean?

Being fully present is a full-body sport: it requires participation of the head, the heart, AND the balls. When a man lives in his head or his balls alone, his partner won’t feel his presence. One way it reveals itself is through the quality of his listening.

We can feel when a person is fully present with us

When I was trapped in the brain-ball matrix, I would only listen to a girlfriend with the singular intent of evaluating to respond. I wanted to keep our thoughts in agreement because that’s the only place I figured peace of mind – and sex – could happen. My attempt to intellectualize every argument, however, mostly created chaos.

When a man connected to his heart listens, he listens with his entire body (which includes his brain and his balls). He doesn’t just listen for a way into the outcome he wants. He listens with his whole body, for the deeper message beneath the words. He listens at the level of the heart, where the real truth often resides.

His partner can feel this – his presence – when he breathes deeply and listens with his whole body.

5) He’s Passionately Living His True Purpose

The work I did in the military felt completely out of alignment with my true purpose. I was miserable. The day I left, I instinctively knew to run fast and run far. Not from the military, but from living inauthentically.

The pain of that situation – where I had money, prestige, comfort, respect, and misery – left me with no choice but to seek my true purpose in life, wherever that journey would take me.

That’s why I went through such darkness.

A man on his path is a man of heart

A man on his path is a man of heart


To find my path, I had to break the stranglehold my brain and balls had on my heart. They didn’t surrender graciously.

A man connected to his heart lives the truth inside that heart, whatever it looks like. If he’s doing work he doesn’t love, he’s doing it for bigger reasons driven by his authentic heart; perhaps to take care of his family or serve his community.

In my case, after years of running from the imaginary security of a paycheck, in search of authentic work aligned with my heart’s desire, I finally found it in writing and coaching. I’m really good at both, and I make a meaningful difference in people’s lives every day.

But I would never have come this far if not for the immense power in my heart.


Related Topics:

Why Male Immune Cells are from Mars and Female Cells are from Venus*

U.K. Children as young as 4 being asked their Gender Option other than Male or Female*

The Disappearing Male*

Pistorius: The Hegemonic White Male*

Boys in Search of Manhood

A Tradition of Manhood

True Love is a ‘Verb’*

War Is a Racket*

Love Misplaced By Capitalism*

Deportations Begin Under Trump’s Regime*

Deportations Begin Under Trump’s Regime*

Guadalupe Garcia de Rayos may have become the first person to be deported due to Trump’s executive order on immigration. On Wednesday, Feb. 8, 2017 while completing a routine immigration check-in, Garcia de Rayos was taken into custody; she was deported to Mexico the next day.

Guadalupe had met with immigration officials yearly since 2009, when she was released after serving six months in jail (three months in jail and three more months in an Immigration Customs Enforcement (ICE) detention facility). She was initially apprehended in a workplace raid that her lawyers maintain was found to be unconstitutional.

Garcia de Rayos’ supporters quickly rallied around her arrest. On Wednesday evening Puente, a grassroots migrant justice organization based in Phoenix, organized a demonstration at the ICE facility where Garcia was being held. In attendance were her husband and her teenage children. When asked by KNXV whether she had anything to say to President Trump, daughter Jaqueline responded:

I’d ask him, ‘Why he would want to take her from me?’ She hasn’t done anything wrong and I’m not scared of him.

Later that evening seven people were arrested for attempting to physically block the ICE bus from transporting her to Nogales, Sonora.

Protesters blocking Central Ave., main thoroughfare in Phoenix. Police in helicopter saying, “Get out of the street.” pic.twitter.com/qm5BdkUGCU

— Fernanda Santos (@fernandaNYT) February 9, 2017

Protesters also blocked lightrail line. pic.twitter.com/dZ0yFHFvJi

— Fernanda Santos (@fernandaNYT) February 9, 2017

Spontaneous protests also took place across the country in response to other ICE raids in several cities the same night, including a blockade of a highway on-ramp in Los Angeles.

Son and daughter of Guadalupe Garcia stand before ICE bus to prevent her deportation. Both U.S. Citizens. pic.twitter.com/7HGJEVrqzq

— Valeria Fernandez (@valfernandez) February 9, 2017

Garcia de Rayos was deported due to a clause in the executive order, which vows to

prioritize for removal those … aliens who have been convicted of any criminal offense; have been charged with any criminal offense, where such charge has not been resolved; (or) have committed acts that constitute a chargeable criminal offense.

This new executive order threatens to immediately deport any undocumented person living in the United States who has any criminal history, whether found guilty or not, as well as those who have engaged in behavior that might have constituted a criminal offense, should they have been charged and given a fair trial.

In addition to her detention in 2009, Garcia de Reyos was charged with felony impersonation, a charge often attached to persons attempting to live in the country without documentation. Her lawyers maintain that the raid in which Garcia de Rayos was arrested was ruled unconstitutional – a basis on which her conviction could be overturned.

Garcia de Rayos is the mother of two teenage children, Angel and Jacqueline, who were both born in the United States. Although the Obama administration was moving forward with Deferred Action for Parents of Americans (DAPA), a program in which parents of U.S.-born children could apply for a three-year renewable work visa and exemption from deportation, it’s becoming clear that this program will not come to fruition under the Trump Administration.

After being deported to Mexico, Garcia de Rayos was temporarily reunited with her children, who crossed the border to visit her.

Family members spoke to the media about what they have been going through in the aftermath of her eviction:

“It’s just the worst thing, it feels like a dream, but this is reality, and we have to face it… We’re going to support our community and my mother and we’re going to keep on fighting. – Son of Guadalupe Garcia de Rayos

DAPA is an accompanying program with the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA), which is fully implemented, but which many fear will be quickly overturned by the new administration.

Since the elections, grassroots organizations in Tucson and Phoenix have been working to further reinforce safety networks among undocumented communities. However, many people are increasingly apprehensive about the possibility of deportation. When asked how she and her son had been doing since the election, one anonymous undocumented Tucson woman said “We’ve been staying inside.


Related Topics:

Trump’s Latest Executive Order Means More Criminalization of Protests*

Court Of Appeals Unanimously Rejects Trump’s Travel Ban: Full Ruling*

Trump Blocked From Addressing U.K. Parliament for ‘Racism and Sexism’*

High Court Denies Trump Request to Immediately Restore Travel Ban*

DHS Suspends Trump’s Travel Ban, Reverses Visa Cancelation; Vows to Fight*

LA Judge Issues Most Sweeping Order Yet against Trump Immigration Ban

Congress Just Passed Part of Donald Trump’s Immigration Plan in the Budget Bill*

Native American Council offers Amnesty to 220 million Undocumented Whites*